this is my story... so far....

So I'm one year into this journey - its been an amazing year of healthy living, weight loss and happiness.

I want to compare how far I come to date...

November/Dec 2008
117kgs















Dec 2009
68.4kgs

I especially felt like I had achieved a serious mile stone when Ii was able to run a five k charity run in under 40 mins



















I've been making a couple of motivational videos which I have posted on here and also I recently did an interview with "healthy" the Holland and Barrett healthy lifestyle magazine. They liked my story so much they decided to put me in the magazine .... SCARY!!!!!

I also did a photo shoot with them for the story that was even scarier!

Here it is!!!!

Weightloss Motivation Tips

My new video!

weightloss motivation video

This is a weight loss motivation video I made for a lady on you tube who I have been following in her own inspiring weight loss journey.. but I thought I would post it here as well! It may be interesting to others and its also an important part of my own journey .

I hope to do some more soon :)

Run with the wild horses

"Wild Horses"

Hmmm woah yea...

I feel these 4 walls closing in
My face up against the glass
I'm looking out... hmm
Is this my life I'm wondering
It happened so fast
How do I turn this thing around
Is this the bed I chose to make
Its greener pastures I'm thinking about hmm
Wide open spaces far away

All I want is the wind in my hair
To face the fear but, not feel scared

[Chorus:]
Wild horses I wanna be like you
Throwing caution to the wind
I'll run free too
Wish I could recklessly love, like I'm longing to
Run with the wild horses, run with the wild horses!
Oh yeah yea

I see the girl I wanna be
Riding bare back, care free along the shore
If only that someone was me
Jumping head first headlong without a thought
To act and damn the consequence
How I wish it could be that easy
But fear surrounds me like a fence
I wanna break free

All I want is the wind in my hair
To face the fear but, not feel scared
Hoohhh woah woah

[Chorus:]
Wild horses I wanna be like you
Throwing caution to the wind
I'll run free too
Wish I could recklessly love, like I'm longing to
I wanna run with the wild horses, run with the wild horses!
Oh yeah yea

I wanna run too.
Hohhh woah oh woah oh

Breaklessly abandoning my self before you

I wanna open up my heart tell him how I feel

[Chorus:]
Wild horses I wanna be like you
Throwing caution to the wind
I'll run free too
Wish I could recklessly love, like I'm longing to
I wanna run with the wild horses, run with the wild horses! [X2]
Hooaah woah oh woah
Yeah

I wanna run with the wild horses...

I have never thrown caution when it has come to relationships. My weight and the insecurities that it brought with it have led me to never feel beautiful or worthy of the male minded 'things' i tend to fall head over heels for which have sadly always ended with a bruised heart :( my size repressed me from ever getting what or who i wanted, either through the sheer physical look of me or my own inability to feel confident enough to express to someone how i truly felt - i felt ashamed of myself.

Because of my weight i feel i did not have the confidence to be honest about my feelings, scared to stand there a fat girl and get rejected - i dont think someone is arse if they do not get attracted to seriously obese people - i think body image is an important part of the package of a person when you are thinking about a relationship.

However, as well as this I did not have confidence in my body image but i was also highly suspiscous of those who where attracted to my size - i didnt want to be chubby chased :0..the idea of someone dating me purely because I was classified as BBW - made me want to throw up :( i am still replused by it. the whole idea of someone objectivifing me like this really did make me feel horrible.

I knew of other large girls who did not have this problem, where forth right with the male minded creatures, they got what they wanted. and all i got instead was tears of misery waking up alone on a saturday morning - well its just sad.

Activity wise there where not many things i didnt think i couldn't do weight wise and i did many things i am proud of but emotionally and relationship wise i was so restricted, so with drawn, so let down, so scared, that I never ran with the wild horses - there are so many 'hims' i have never told how i have felt about them to them and in many ways whilst now i look back and feel sad i can no longer continue to do this - the repression makes me feel sad and lonely and depressed, this used to make me want to eat - now i just want to be honest, i want to stop feeling so scared and so unhappy with the image - in my eyes has led me down one to many roads all leading to a bruise heart


But now i feel stronger i feel like am ready to thrown caution to the wind and definatly want keep trying to run with the wild horses and no hold my relationship emotions and be so repressed and restricted ever again...

Count down the next 25 kilos

76 -26/08/09
75 -08/09/09
74 -20/09/09
73 -04/10/09
72 -14/10/09
71 -25/10/09
70 -
69 -
68 -
67 -
66 -

65 -
64-
63-
62 -
61 -
60 - 30 june 2010
59 -
58 -
57 -

56
55
54
53
52

the end :)

July

July has not been a good month, have felt tired and lazy and not really wanting to exercise. I have always tried to push through and have felt at it! i haven't seen the results i have wanted to see but i cannot say that i have not tried. i have exercised and i have been good with food but my body refuse to play ball. i know this is normal but it does infuriate me.

I am aiming for a better month in august. i am 7 weeks away from attending my second wedding of the year and i want to be at least a size 14 so i am going to be working very hard i think.

despite the negative i am seeing change physically rather than on the scales, seeing and accepting are two different things and i do struggle with them. i struggle to accept the good work i am doing daily,but i know i cannot beat my self up over it all. people are really starting to sit up and notice, that as they put it, i am half the woman i was. well i would like to be another half of what i am now lol

i think the physical acitivity is not only enjoyable ( i cant believe i wrote that line) but most importantly it has improved my mental health leaps and bounds. grumpy girl will never entirely leave the building but she is certainly not as grumpy as she was before. i enjoy it , i enjoy not being grumpy...i like to smile and i would like to smile more often.

i feed proud of myself when i complete my walks, my stamina and fitness levels are greatly improved so much so i have really started to jog more because walking simply isnt enough any more - yes ,my legs feel like they are about to be chopped off on occiasions but i feel stronger which is why i am frustrated at my lack of weightloss this month.


the weightloss journey is often a lonely one, a journey that many people give up because this and because it so hard physically and mentally. i do envy people, like contestants in the biggest looser who have ppl travelling through there journey with them, albeit they are competing but that aside the fact they can share their journey with someone who is going through the exact same experience as them... whether its on t.v or not to be able to share that experience is a wonderful thing.

unless you have been seriously obese i think is hard to understand how difficult this experience can be.

Targets 2

57 kg = 126 lbs = 8 stone 14 lbs
58 kg = 128 lbs = 9 stone 2 lbs
59 kg = 130 lbs = 9 stone 4 lbs
60 kg = 132 lbs = 9 stone 6 lbs 29 June 2010
61 kg = 134 lbs = 9 stone 8 lbs
62 kg = 137 lbs = 9 stone 11 lbs
63 kg = 139 lbs = 9 stone 13 lbs
64 kg = 141 lbs = 10 stone 1 lbs
65 kg = 143 lbs = 10 stone 3 lbs
66 kg = 146 lbs = 10 stone 6 lbs
67 kg = 148 lbs = 10 stone 8 lbs
68 kg = 150 lbs = 10 stone 10 lbs
69 kg = 152 lbs = 10 stone 12 lbs
70 kg = 154 lbs = 11 stone 0 lbs
71 kg = 157 lbs = 11 stone 3 lbs
72 kg = 159 lbs = 11 stone 5 lbs
73 kg = 161 lbs = 11 stone 7 lbs
74 kg = 163 lbs = 11 stone 9 lbs
75 kg = 165 lbs = 11 stone 11 lbs
76 kg = 168 lbs = 11 stone 14 lbs
77 kg = 170 lbs = 12 stone 2 lbs 12/08/09
78 kg = 172 lbs = 12 stone 4 lbs
79 kg = 174 lbs = 12 stone 6 lbs
80 kg = 176 lbs = 12 stone 8 lbs
81 kg = 179 lbs = 12 stone 11 lbs -
82 kg = 181 lbs = 12 stone 13 lbs 10/07/09 29 weeks
83 kg = 183 lbs = 13 stone 1 lbs 27/06/09
84 kg = 185 lbs = 13 stone 3 lbs 26/06/09
85 kg = 187 lbs = 13 stone 5 lbs 22/06/09
86 kg = 190 lbs = 13 stone 8 lbs 19/06/09
87 kg = 192 lbs = 13 stone 10 lbs - 15/06/09
88 kg = 194 lbs = 13 stone 12 lbs - 03/06/09
89 kg = 196 lbs = 14 stone 0 lbs - 26/05/09
90 kg = 198 lbs = 14 stone 2 lbs -18/05/09
91 kg = 201 lbs = 14 stone 5 lbs 11/05/09
92 kg = 203 lbs = 14 stone 7 lbs
93 kg = 205 lbs = 14 stone 9 lbs
94 kg = 207 lbs = 14 stone 11 lbs
95 kg = 209 lbs = 14 stone 13 lbs - 12th April
96 kg = 212 lbs = 15 stone 2 lbs
97 kg = 214 lbs = 15 stone 4 lbs
98 kg = 216 lbs = 15 stone 6 lbs
99 kg = 218 lbs = 15 stone 8 lbs - 18 weeks - April 20th
100 kg = 220 lbs = 15 stone 10 lbs = next target
101 kg = 223 lbs = 15 stone 13 lbs
102 kg = 225 lbs = 16 stone 1 lbs
103 kg = 227 lbs = 16 stone 3 lbs
104 kg = 229 lbs = 16 stone 5 lbs
105 kg = 231 lbs = 16 stone 7 lbs
106 kg = 234 lbs = 16 stone 10 lbs
107 kg = 236 lbs = 16 stone 12 lbs
108 kg = 238 lbs = 17 stone 0 lbs - 9 weeks
109 kg = 240 lbs = 17 stone 2 lbs
110 kg = 243 lbs = 17 stone 5 lbs
111 kg = 243 lbs = 17 stone 7 lbs
112 kg = 17 stone 7 lbs
113 kg
114 kg
115 kg
116 kg
117 kg =18 stone 4lbs 250lbs