Run with the wild horses

"Wild Horses"

Hmmm woah yea...

I feel these 4 walls closing in
My face up against the glass
I'm looking out... hmm
Is this my life I'm wondering
It happened so fast
How do I turn this thing around
Is this the bed I chose to make
Its greener pastures I'm thinking about hmm
Wide open spaces far away

All I want is the wind in my hair
To face the fear but, not feel scared

[Chorus:]
Wild horses I wanna be like you
Throwing caution to the wind
I'll run free too
Wish I could recklessly love, like I'm longing to
Run with the wild horses, run with the wild horses!
Oh yeah yea

I see the girl I wanna be
Riding bare back, care free along the shore
If only that someone was me
Jumping head first headlong without a thought
To act and damn the consequence
How I wish it could be that easy
But fear surrounds me like a fence
I wanna break free

All I want is the wind in my hair
To face the fear but, not feel scared
Hoohhh woah woah

[Chorus:]
Wild horses I wanna be like you
Throwing caution to the wind
I'll run free too
Wish I could recklessly love, like I'm longing to
I wanna run with the wild horses, run with the wild horses!
Oh yeah yea

I wanna run too.
Hohhh woah oh woah oh

Breaklessly abandoning my self before you

I wanna open up my heart tell him how I feel

[Chorus:]
Wild horses I wanna be like you
Throwing caution to the wind
I'll run free too
Wish I could recklessly love, like I'm longing to
I wanna run with the wild horses, run with the wild horses! [X2]
Hooaah woah oh woah
Yeah

I wanna run with the wild horses...

I have never thrown caution when it has come to relationships. My weight and the insecurities that it brought with it have led me to never feel beautiful or worthy of the male minded 'things' i tend to fall head over heels for which have sadly always ended with a bruised heart :( my size repressed me from ever getting what or who i wanted, either through the sheer physical look of me or my own inability to feel confident enough to express to someone how i truly felt - i felt ashamed of myself.

Because of my weight i feel i did not have the confidence to be honest about my feelings, scared to stand there a fat girl and get rejected - i dont think someone is arse if they do not get attracted to seriously obese people - i think body image is an important part of the package of a person when you are thinking about a relationship.

However, as well as this I did not have confidence in my body image but i was also highly suspiscous of those who where attracted to my size - i didnt want to be chubby chased :0..the idea of someone dating me purely because I was classified as BBW - made me want to throw up :( i am still replused by it. the whole idea of someone objectivifing me like this really did make me feel horrible.

I knew of other large girls who did not have this problem, where forth right with the male minded creatures, they got what they wanted. and all i got instead was tears of misery waking up alone on a saturday morning - well its just sad.

Activity wise there where not many things i didnt think i couldn't do weight wise and i did many things i am proud of but emotionally and relationship wise i was so restricted, so with drawn, so let down, so scared, that I never ran with the wild horses - there are so many 'hims' i have never told how i have felt about them to them and in many ways whilst now i look back and feel sad i can no longer continue to do this - the repression makes me feel sad and lonely and depressed, this used to make me want to eat - now i just want to be honest, i want to stop feeling so scared and so unhappy with the image - in my eyes has led me down one to many roads all leading to a bruise heart


But now i feel stronger i feel like am ready to thrown caution to the wind and definatly want keep trying to run with the wild horses and no hold my relationship emotions and be so repressed and restricted ever again...